We’ve moved!

We’ve moved and expanded.

You can now find our Choosing Life, Finding Freedom sexual addiction recovery blog at

www.lifemoreabundant.net

And . . . our Sisterhood of the Lonely Road blog written especially for the wives of those struggling with sexual addiction at:

www.partnersonthejourney.com

Come check us out!

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Flipping the Switch to Freedom

ID-100246921Those who have been successful in finding freedom from sexual addiction sometimes talk about “when the switch was flipped.” They describe a process in their healing that enabled them to begin looking at their addictive behaviors in a totally different way.

Most of them can’t really tell you how it happened, but they do remember being surprised when they became aware that it had happened. There was a point when they realized that they no longer viewed the addiction as a friend that was going to help them survive, but more as an enemy that was trying to rob them of the very things that were most important to them.

The normal giddy anticipation of what they were about to see or experience had been replaced with a new clarity—an ability to envision, in very real terms, the negative consequences their choices would certainly bring. They were able to mentally play it out to to the end, not to glorify the act as they once had, but to vividly recall the feelings of shame, the disappointment of their spouse, and the heavy burden that carrying new secrets would bring. Even more exciting, is the fact that they are increasingly able to say “Nah, it’s just not worth it.”

The best way to explain this mental switch is that their addictive part has received enough healing that it is actually able to begin empathizing with the person’s authentic self—the part of them that always had to play “pooper-scooper” and deal with the consequences after the addiction got its greedy way.

This emerging ability to understand and share the feelings of the “blue dog*” means that the “red dog*” no longer has total control over the individual’s behavior. There may still be slips and difficult times, but it is a sign that the addiction is beginning to loosen its hold.

At this point, paying even more attention to the things that feed the blue dog and intentionally allowing yourself to take the time to mentally follow your choices all the way to the end will exponentially help your authentic self to flourish and increasingly take back the control of your life.

“So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.” —Ecclesiastes 7:25

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

* A NOTE ABOUT THE RED DOG/BLUE DOG REFERENCES:  In our recovery groups we have an exercise we do called Red Dog/Blue Dog. The red dog represents our addiction. The blue dog is the person God intended us to be. We challenge participants to consider which dog their choices are feeding. If you decide to skip church again this week, is it likely to make the blue dog stronger, or the red dog? Which dog is going to gain the most from you keeping that secret? Which one will become weaker if you lie about how well you’re doing to those who care about you? The dog who gets fed the most is the one that is going to win.

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New Support For Wives

Lonely Road HeaderExciting news! We’ve just launched a brand new blog especially for the wives of those struggling with pornography, affairs and other sexual compulsions!

HAVE YOU FELT ALONE?

If you’re the wife or girlfriend of someone who struggles with sexual sin, it’s so hard to know who to talk to or how much you should say. It’s hard to separate the truth from the lies. It’s hard to have hope for the future when everything you thought you could count on is crumbling before your eyes. It doesn’t matter whether you only recently found out about your partner’s struggle, or if you’ve been dealing with his behaviors for decades, loving someone battling with sexual compulsions is definitely a rough and lonely road.

COME JOIN US

This new blog, The Sisterhood of the Lonely Road, is a safe place for you to come, to read, to learn and to connect with others that are going through exactly what you are going through right now. You don’t have to be alone anymore.

FREE E-BOOK

Of course, you’re welcome to bookmark the site and check back from time to time to view the new content, but we have an option that’s even easier! If you subscribe to our blog updates, we’ll not only send each new post (usually two a week) directly to your e-mail inbox to read at your leisure, but you’ll also be among the very first to hear about any new features or products that we introduce.

For a limited time, we’re also offering a free e-book, Someone You Know . . . struggles with sexual addiction, to anyone who subscribes to our blog. This 34-page quick-read booklet presents the 10 truths EVERYONE needs to know about sexual addiction. It cuts through the rampant myths and misconceptions and provides reliable information for the spouses, friends and family and anyone who ministers to men and women in the Christian community. You can sign up for your free e-book here.

MUCH MORE TO COME

The blog is just a small part of our future plans for this support community. We’ll be adding many more new features and help resources in the months and years to come. Don’t miss your chance to get in on the ground floor. Your input along the way can help us make this a special place that will provide the education, encouragement and empowerment that has been missing for so many women—maybe even for you!

Click to View New Blog

 

 

Posted in Encouragement, Finding Support, Help for Spouses | 2 Comments

5 Keys to Achieving the Impossible

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Is there something in your life that seems impossible? Something so big, so hard, so ominous that you’re not sure how to even begin? You’ve looked at it from every angle, but it still seems insurmountable.

That’s where I’ve been for the past several months. You might have noticed that my blog posts, that used to appear pretty regularly 3 or 4 times a week, have dwindled down to almost nothing. What happened?

Well, to be honest, I’ve been consumed with facing my own giants! It’s been tough. I’ve cried more than a few tears. I’ve thought about giving up at least five times a day. I have definitely NOT been the poster child for victory. I’ve felt defeated, a LOT . . . but I’ve also been learning what it takes to do the impossible. (I’d like to say “learned”, but I suspect this is likely to be an ongoing process). I’m hoping maybe these five simple things that I have discovered will help you overcome your challenge.

1. EVERYTHING is solvable. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be quick or easy. It means that somewhere, somehow it can be done. Maybe you’ll need help. Maybe it’ll take research. Maybe it’ll be a process that requires changing long held beliefs or learning new skills, but the truth remains—everything is solvable.

2. It’s probably going to be HARD. We humans, as a rule, don’t like discomfort. Making changes,  learning new things or digging for solutions all take us out of our comfort zone. Everything in us will feel like giving up just to get things back to “normal.” Accepting and expecting that the journey is likely to be hard at times, helps us from building resentments and victim thinking that will sabotage our ability to succeed.

3. Tiny steps add up! – Most of us have no trouble taking a single step. If we do it 2,000 times we will have walked a mile. Just 10,000 regular steps will have taken us 5 miles down the road. So it is with anything, if you string enough small efforts together you will accomplish something noteworthy.

4. If you don’t give up, you will get there. – There is a Chinese Proverb that says “Failure is not falling down, but refusing to get up.” If we’re trying to achieve something that seems impossible, we need to be prepared to stumble or even fall from time to time. But falling is not the same thing as failing as long as we get up, brush ourselves off, and try again until we reach our goal.

5. Nothing is impossible with God. – It’s sometimes hard to remember that we are not alone in our challenges. When we are tired, overwhelmed or just plain stuck, God is more than willing and able to show us the next step; calm our anxiety or even carry us, if necessary. It is our weaknesses or inabilities, that we are finally able to surrender to him and let his grace and power work in and through us.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Image courtesy of hywards at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Don’t Let the Past Cheat You Out of Your Future

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“You can’t re-write your past, but you can grab a clean sheet of paper and write your future.”   — Unknown

“But now, this is what the LORD says . . . .Forget the things that happened in the past. Do not keep thinking about them. I am about to do something new. It is beginning to happen even now. Don’t you see it coming? I am going to make a way for you to go through the desert. I will make streams of water in the dry and empty land.” Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

Image courtesy of Anusorn P nachol at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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